It was the night before my wedding day. As like every other wedding place, my home too, was swarming in with relatives, friends and neighbours.A whole new show of sparkling happiness.
I was being teased by my cousins, aunties and uncles. Amidst of all these, I was repeatedly was asking myself the question, “Am I really happy ??”
I didn’t know or rather I chose not to know where my happiness lies. I knew, I soon would be plucked and replanted into a new home, into a new life. The familiarities are all gone.I have to get myself familiarized with new routines. I would just need to find myself a spot where I just exist as a living doll.
When my marriage was fixed and the invitations had to be handed over, I had realized I didn’t have much of familiar faces to invite, or even if any of those familiar faces would come this far for my wedding. But I was certain of one name that I never wanted to miss. It was his name. I didn’t know where he is, how he is or anything about him since the day we parted our ways. Except for a scribbled address on one of the pages of my notebook I didn’t have any detail about him or his existence. I even did not know if he would remember me. The only truth was that I could never forget him.
It was he, who made me realize that there is a world out there where dreams do materialize, where fear has no place. A rebel he was. He had ideas and opinions, which made him more bitter. He was always there for anyone at anytime. He was one person who lived his life on his terms. He was least bothered by what others would think. Even though people hated him for this, I admired him for his courage for being himself.
I never knew such people existed. I was one of among those common faces you see every day, not wanting to stand out in any way or anywhere. I was just the crowd. I attributed his courage to his gender and made myself believe, “If I were a guy and had come from his background probably I too would be like him”. But then, I was wrong. Soon he became a real revelation to me.
Sometimes towards the end of our courses, I had a chance to know him. Even though I was apprehensive, I really grabbed on to this opportunity. I wanted to know how to be like him, how to live my life on my terms. He stunned me by showing how he was just a normal guy but with an extraordinary attitude towards life. It was a new lease of life upon me. With him, I dared to do new things. I dreamed, I loved and I lived. He inspired me. He found out my other soul hidden in me.
I began to write. Nothing great, but he valued my words. I stuck up all night to give him new episodes of life, new scribbling the next day. He never formed any opinions about anything on what I wrote which surprisingly made me write even better. I loved every morning…I started to wait to see him those days. Everything I saw, I heard was an inspiration. I had thousands of tales to write to him. I finally found someone who listened, who stayed, who never ignored,’me’. Even though our days together were coming to end, I never felt bad about it instead I found out the profound sense of what I wanted to do with this one life.
I decided to live the life to fullest.
But, slowly and unknowingly I began to wither. Without him beside me, I could not put one step ahead. I was where we left, probably…All those dreams were buried deep only to sprout out aching pangs of pain and silent tears…but hiding them was always easier!!
Memories of him came into my mind as that part of our favourite movie, which we could see a thousand times. Sending him an invite probably would have been the only thing I did on my own. Though my parents did not like it, much to my surprise they agreed on this one.
I waited for him all evening, I was certain he would come.
But, nothing happened…No one came.
I felt an emptiness…
Later that evening, I was asked to go to bed, so that I was up early the next day. Just when I was about to change, I heard my name being called out. I came down and to my surprise, there he was.
I was flabbergasted, shocked and suddenly it felt like old days. The admiration, the silent love, and the dreams…just like the first time I met him. With his old golden smile, he gave me a nicely wrapped gift, “my wedding gift”. The reality suddenly sprang upon.
I took a deep breath and began unwrapping my gift. I could not figure out what it could be. Slowly without damaging the wrapper, I opened the gift. Everyone was waiting to see the gift.
‘For you‘-A collection of poems-By Nandhinee.
Nothing odd in the gift as he knew I loved to read. But the author’s name gave me the shock of my lifetime…
It was my name. I didn’t know what to do. I could not believe what I saw. My eyes were overflowing..and a new sense of aliveness. Suddenly my wings sprouted.He had saved up every scribble I might have ever written, for all these years and published them. For me. Just for me.
This moment, precisely, this moment…was the most meaningful moment in my life. It marked an existence. …My existence.