Monday Blues

I am continuously in a loop of living the same day over and over again. I realize I want out but I am unable to find a way!!

I tried many things, but nothing stuck with me and hence I am stuck where I am. And, truly I don’t know what to do ahead!

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2 / 52 – 52Books52Weeks

Are we fundamentally sane or insane.? If you take away everything from a human and ask him just to rest, why does he mostly turn insane, though he very well knows he is there for a resting period and is there to heal, by doing nothing at all, yet he imagines, weave stories, finds proofs to substantiate his strange theories and finally turn in to insanity ?

The Yellow Paper is a downfall of a young mother, Jane, into the abyss of her mind, far from being able to come out of it. She was prescribed for a short restful period, where she was forbidden to do anything at all by her physician husband, who wants her to recover soon! His intentions were clear and he tends to her lovingly as any husband would do. And yet how a simple thing like a yellow ornate wallpaper with its enticing patterns is all needed for the mind to go berserk.

Being confined to a room, at first Jane was troubled by everything or the lack of anything to do.Left nothing to explore she stares at the wall paper and starts studying it.The torn corners, the patterns, and the smell from it on the foggy days.She was fully convinced that there is someone behind the patterns and causes them to move.She believes its a woman and she wants to see her or get rid of her (?) before she moves out!

This is such a terrific short story, packed in just a few pages which literally blows your mind on how seemingly small things becomes active when our mind works on them.I was always enticed by patterns all my life. I find weird connections in patterns and most of them usually tell me hundreds of stories. I wonder now, is it my activity and life, in general, that keeps me at this brink of being sane? 😉

Everything I Never Told You

    It’s literally about everything the characters in this story never told each other.!! Reading through the book, I kept yelling in my head, for god’s sake woman just talk to your child for once!! 

This is a sad story of Lydia, who tragically plummeted to death!Though it was ruled out as a suited, no one in her family wanted to believe so.The rest of the story is how each member of her family gets torn apart to finally find some peace.

Even though the story is set in the ’70s, it is still relevant in our times.It reemphasizes, at least for me , the need of families to have real conversations with each other, especially with children. Even if its just the dinner talks about school or daily news or even weather, we as parents must actually show our interest and listen from our heart, to the little things and imaginations of our children has to offer us, else this story is a reminder of how ignored kids finally end up.

   Children are far delicate, observant and absorbing of things that happen in front of them, even without parents realizing. They are little adults with their beliefs and worries which are very real. Loss of parent which is one the main cause in this novel’s very scary. Anyone would blame themselves for such a situation, no wonder what kids do and they make amends or compromises with themselves.

When we become adults especially parents, we try to do multiple roles together and sometimes may forget what that really matters. We may fully be involved in the child’s life but still, fail them by being able to see them only through our eyes and maybe they became a constant reminder of your failure and somehow we need to overcome those. Sometimes we must resolve our issues before we even want to be a parent. Its so intimidating to me as a new parent that our troubles and problems can affect our children and demolish their little world which must be full of colors and hopes growing up.

Just as we grow up our compromises with life becomes bigger and bigger confrontations at every walk of life. We may fret over our decisions of the past and compare the output in our present life. What we forget is that we all have only one life, which can be lived in the way we choose to. Sometimes a little compassion is all needed for a person to pull back, maybe just a nod or a caring touch would have helped, which is what Lydia missed.And yet, she was this strong minded girl who was determined to find her own place, resolve her conflicts and be herself, but fate let her slip away.

Fear Not!

I fear a lot, about a lot of things.I am even afraid to acknowledge that I fear a lot.

My head says, “What if some one finds out you fear and use that against you ?”…if anything is stranger than Stranger Things, my thoughts.

Here I am even though, I know that my fears are simply over-activated-thoughts and may not even mean anything beyond what I think they are and yet I am scared.

So this year, I want to conquer my fear of various forms by acknowledging them, may be even giving them a name like “Free fall fear” whenever I ride my bike beyond 60km/hr etc and tell myself that its okay to fear and everyone in this world are afraid of something or the other but most importantly tell myself and convince myself to look beyond the fears to build a new future!!

Are you smart?

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So it all started with the app that helped me plan my pregnancy. Due to very uncertain, ahem…menstruation dates, my most important task was to track them. I started off with the old calendar method at first, being the forgetful person I inadvertently forgot to mark the correct dates especially if I were at the office during the visiting times!!. Then I tried to note down the same in my Evernote using my mobile as it was available most of the time. I did a very close track but yet, I missed some golden days!! I had to bear a lot of loud staring (if staring could talk) from my husband*

That’s when I downloaded the Flow app, which helped to track my dates and most importantly helped me with reminders for a pregnancy planner. And now, it was all hassle free. This was the first real smart help I got from using a smartphone. Not being interested in social media as such and my use for a smartphone was the most to simply phone or use google maps or read in Kindle app, this became my actual and most helpful/smart use from my smartphone.

Ha…finally came the baby and along with her the baby weight. I tried a lot of apps to lose weight but none of which never really motivated me to pursue the art of dropping of layers of fat. Add the irregular food timings and junk food habits. There were so many apps for beginners to experts to lose weight but nothing stuck with me. It was then my husband bought me a smartwatch which at first I loathed. I didn’t want to give up my Titan Raga. On my husband’s relentless persuasion, I decided to try it on for a week and decided to return and save my valuable money but the end of the week came and I really was hooked. The Smart Wearable helped me in tracking every movement, my heartbeats and the most importantly the associated calorie loss.

Watching those numbers turn on in the watch monitor really pumped me to keep me in tracks. Even the smallest of walks and activities being added to calorie monitoring helped me in keeping up with the weight loss! I am not sure if I lost a huge amount of weight but I must admit, that this smart wearable does keep me on my toes along with my baby and I now love every session with my girl as it gives me the double joy of being with my girl and also being active and also see the numbers drop.

Smart Watch I own

It was during this time my father had a mild attack and the doctors asked us to be careful. Though I put up a brave face, I was really scared for him. I bought him a Smart Wearable from Flipkart which provided quite a range of such devices, the best in the industry. This helped to track his heart rates and activities after his scary attack. He too likes it really well as it tells him when to slow down during his morning walks or keep monitoring his normal heart rates. And now my mom is also pestering me to buy her one when I showed her the product listed in Flipkart, with her only demand that it doesn’t look too old for her age. Perks!!

Fit Bit for my father

I was dumbstruck to see smart cameras on all four sides of a new home of my colleague, where I visited for its housewarming ceremony. I believed my colleague was paranoid. I thought the smart cameras were only for shops or offices. He said, “Well, I could really see every person who comes and leaves and basically made me panic free, especially since my kid and my wife are alone at home.”. He sends me this link of unlimited Smart Camera from Flipkart which has a wide range of latest products which made me wonder, maybe I was too trusting!!. I did make a mental note to install the smart camera and monitor to our new home as well.

In my mind…

Along with the smart cameras in Flipkart, I also checked out their Smart lights. That section reminded me of our last vacation. I still remember how childlike I was when I started into an impromptu dance and claps to switch on and off the lights. I was also amazed that I didn’t have to turn on the lights when I needed to carry my girl for a quick bath run at the nights.At home, I would mostly step on one of her favourite toys, either break it or it makes the noise that woke her up. You don’t want a crying child in the middle of the night. Anyways this too was definitely going into my list of must haves in our new home, to make it moodier!!

And what’s more convenient than having Google home helping me control all of this. Though I bought “her” before the smart lights and camera. With google home, everything is just a command and it feels so hearty to have someone take commands.

“Google, the reminders for today?

Google can u play the nursery rhymes?

Google can you open Netflix? And so on and so forth.

I am still discovering the new things that can be done using it. Though it makes you lazy, it indeed makes ur home smart, Smart Home. And it is not that only Google home will make your home a smart one. There are indeed a lot of options in Flipkart, just quickly check over!

Every one of the smart devices has grown so well mostly because of the convenience it provides. A lot of our time-consuming activities that were mostly keeping track of things were removed from our list which helped us to savour time for us and for me mostly tie for my girl. So why wait, join the #SmartHomeRevolution and #GetFitWithFlipkart and make this new year count for you, your loved ones and your home!!

Words of 2019

Focus and Grow, two separate words complimenting each other are my words for year 2019.

Focus is something I struggle with,especially the focus to continue any project and see to the end of it. I always start a lot of things with the commitment to complete them but I never could continue with the same after the intital euphorbia of a new idea dies off. Mid way,I loose my focus and I indulge in other things.I forget to track things and I end up doing nothing at all.This year, I want to make FOCUS a central point and keep pushing and get it to closure,even if things fail or succed I want my focus to look and move ahead which leads me to my second word, Grow.

Growth is something which I never given a thought. We all grew up physically and sometimes mentally / spiritually without actually growing up.I feel that my growth is more like the weeds that we prune out. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time added to my stunned growth.And I was not bothered because I was not aware of the fact that I can mark my growth.This year begins with intentional growth of me as a person.I love to grow and blossom the way I imagine myself to be, and I want to give it my all and never give up!

Happy New Year!

Another year passes by and I cannot but ponder that how miraculously we have all remain the same by repeating the year before.

Sure, we did grew a year older and wiser(?). We may have loved, created and lived a fulfilled life this year.

Yet,

When our bellies grew wider, our treadmill still hangs clothes while our gym membership gets auto cancelled.

When our gadgets got newer and slicker features to help free us more time and energy despite which we became lazier and tired scrollers.

When Alexa and Google home seemingly knows more about us, our habits, our groceries and our home more than we would ever know.

When we travel to newer places in making joyous memories but our happiness was numbered to Instagram and FB likes.

When our children changed shape, size and mode of transport from our hands to hips and to their legs but yet we could not find five minutes a day only for them and their stories.

When we made a lot of mistakes with and without knowing that they were mistakes and their impact and yet we have given away so many apologies without attaching any meaning in them.

When we did a lot of things which were important but then mostly for the paycheck at end of the month which helped us ignore the red flags raised by our hear and heart.

When we wanted to star gaze but Netflix was airing Andhadhun which had to win,obivously.

When we wanted to start meditating and so we downloaded “Headspace app” and miraculously we were done.

When deep down we knew we should stop, pause and reflect but then who has time for all of that ?

A whole year passed by making a lot of noise and yet didn’t make much of a difference. It is scary how we might be just repeating the year before.

Let us just believe in the magic of a new year from here and for once make some noise that becomes a lovely music to our ears!!

Happy New Year