Every single day,my heart is filled with the very deep guilt of leaving my lil one with my mom so that I can go work for securing her a (b)right future(?).The irony of it!!
I have been working since she was 4 months old(yes,I know, its hard) and now that she is close to 2 years,she does know that precise moment I put on helmet and start my scooter.She sinks into herself and says without any joy “mama, tata bybye“.That melts my heart away!! I believe she is used to our routine and may not make a fuss whence grows up.(fingers crossed).
I am scared to even think about that day when I would want her to stay back with me,just share something…anything as I am sure that she would ask me “Mommy,where were you when I needed you the most ?”.I hope she forgets all of these days :D.Many days I wake from terrible dreams seeing my girl, saying I hate you mom for not being there for me,not playing with me or not seeing what I have drawn for you…
I realize this is what every working_new_mother goes through and we don’t have a choice.I used to boast about taking a break of 5 years to enjoy my girls childhood and decide things for her.But my pay check helps everyone in the longer run of the month.And thus,its my mom who enjoys my little ones precious childhood.
Every single day,I go through this torment and every single day I end up praying all I would want is to just hug my girl and see her dance and sing,see her grow up before she is too “Grown up”
In response to daily post The Guilt that Haunts Me