2019, a farewell note

 

2019, what a rollercoaster drive!!

I was broken physically, emotionally and psychologically and yet I found bits and pieces of my true self. My beliefs, role models and aspirations have changed. I realized I wanted to love myself just the way I am, maybe even more. I also felt that I was seeing a new me, the one who I believe is true! This year, I finally faced the trauma, hmmm…I would rather say, I accepted that I was a victim among many things and I was stronger than I ever have known by showing resilience without even knowing what it meant.

2019 a game-changer for me, of course in knowing me. I don’t claim to have achieved a lot. In fact, this was the year when I did way less, much to me and everyone else’s expectations. Some days, I was genuinely happy while I agonized waking up other days. Yet, in between these I also learned to take each day as it unfolds. I make a plan without fail and sometimes I met them and other days I had to push myself through the smallest things. Most days I failed, I even didn’t want to make a plan. Those days, I drowned in my own exceeding expectations and selling myself too short. Among all that chaos I feel calm. I tell myself it’s okay to be lost at times, it’s okay not to be able to do the things I planned and its okay if everything is going south. I unknowingly started telling me to take a deep breath and be myself. That thing, that small thing, which I started doing without any suggestion helped me somehow!

I also realized that I am truly grateful for all the changes and challenges life put forth this year. This made me understand the value of a true family, the temperamental of glory called life. The hardest thing I overcame or rather still trying to overcome is the knowledge that I am not a burden to anyone. I am not the reason for anybody’s bad luck or bad time. The stories I made up to bury my sadness and to protect myself slowly became my reality, which was/is not. The hardest thing I did was to realize that my cocoon was not my world and I need to force myself to be the butterfly I ought to be!

This year helped me to accept my past. That was a huge relief in itself. Just like that let go of that weight. Its difficult, most times I go back, pick up, fondle my misery for it was all I have known. It truly was my identity but it needn’t be anymore. I never realized that I could simply go on without the baggage I carry around everywhere along with the images or nametags others have given me. Suddenly, it no longer mattered to me. I started to speak up and yes I still feel bad about things I said which I would have otherwise kept mum :).I accept that my past is something I cannot change, no matter what I did today and the things I did at that time were needed and the best of my ability at those situations. And it’s alright, it is totally alright. I still slip at times but then it is alright isn’t ??

And this year, slowly I picked up many habits which I wanted to always. I started to wake up most days @5, I started eating food most of the times. I started going to the gym almost every weekdays, started drinking water regularly, I try to be in present mostly or rather at times when I start wandering into the dark past and make myself anxious. I but almost stopped reading this year though I bought a huge number of books 🙂 The changes are all because of me simply starting to do without any conditions or expectations and just showing up to do it, again a gem of guidance I would want to continue with. Well, its the only thing that’s needed, simply show up, always…

At the beginning of this new year, I just want to be myself. Take life as it comes yet have those little dreams which I finally can dare to pursue, drop excuses on everything and approach anything without prejudice. Just one step at a time…

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From – rwcards

Are you smart?

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So it all started with the app that helped me plan my pregnancy. Due to very uncertain, ahem…menstruation dates, my most important task was to track them. I started off with the old calendar method at first, being the forgetful person I inadvertently forgot to mark the correct dates especially if I were at the office during the visiting times!!. Then I tried to note down the same in my Evernote using my mobile as it was available most of the time. I did a very close track but yet, I missed some golden days!! I had to bear a lot of loud staring (if staring could talk) from my husband*

That’s when I downloaded the Flow app, which helped to track my dates and most importantly helped me with reminders for a pregnancy planner. And now, it was all hassle free. This was the first real smart help I got from using a smartphone. Not being interested in social media as such and my use for a smartphone was the most to simply phone or use google maps or read in Kindle app, this became my actual and most helpful/smart use from my smartphone.

Ha…finally came the baby and along with her the baby weight. I tried a lot of apps to lose weight but none of which never really motivated me to pursue the art of dropping of layers of fat. Add the irregular food timings and junk food habits. There were so many apps for beginners to experts to lose weight but nothing stuck with me. It was then my husband bought me a smartwatch which at first I loathed. I didn’t want to give up my Titan Raga. On my husband’s relentless persuasion, I decided to try it on for a week and decided to return and save my valuable money but the end of the week came and I really was hooked. The Smart Wearable helped me in tracking every movement, my heartbeats and the most importantly the associated calorie loss.

Watching those numbers turn on in the watch monitor really pumped me to keep me in tracks. Even the smallest of walks and activities being added to calorie monitoring helped me in keeping up with the weight loss! I am not sure if I lost a huge amount of weight but I must admit, that this smart wearable does keep me on my toes along with my baby and I now love every session with my girl as it gives me the double joy of being with my girl and also being active and also see the numbers drop.

Smart Watch I own

It was during this time my father had a mild attack and the doctors asked us to be careful. Though I put up a brave face, I was really scared for him. I bought him a Smart Wearable from Flipkart which provided quite a range of such devices, the best in the industry. This helped to track his heart rates and activities after his scary attack. He too likes it really well as it tells him when to slow down during his morning walks or keep monitoring his normal heart rates. And now my mom is also pestering me to buy her one when I showed her the product listed in Flipkart, with her only demand that it doesn’t look too old for her age. Perks!!

Fit Bit for my father

I was dumbstruck to see smart cameras on all four sides of a new home of my colleague, where I visited for its housewarming ceremony. I believed my colleague was paranoid. I thought the smart cameras were only for shops or offices. He said, “Well, I could really see every person who comes and leaves and basically made me panic free, especially since my kid and my wife are alone at home.”. He sends me this link of unlimited Smart Camera from Flipkart which has a wide range of latest products which made me wonder, maybe I was too trusting!!. I did make a mental note to install the smart camera and monitor to our new home as well.

In my mind…

Along with the smart cameras in Flipkart, I also checked out their Smart lights. That section reminded me of our last vacation. I still remember how childlike I was when I started into an impromptu dance and claps to switch on and off the lights. I was also amazed that I didn’t have to turn on the lights when I needed to carry my girl for a quick bath run at the nights.At home, I would mostly step on one of her favourite toys, either break it or it makes the noise that woke her up. You don’t want a crying child in the middle of the night. Anyways this too was definitely going into my list of must haves in our new home, to make it moodier!!

And what’s more convenient than having Google home helping me control all of this. Though I bought “her” before the smart lights and camera. With google home, everything is just a command and it feels so hearty to have someone take commands.

“Google, the reminders for today?

Google can u play the nursery rhymes?

Google can you open Netflix? And so on and so forth.

I am still discovering the new things that can be done using it. Though it makes you lazy, it indeed makes ur home smart, Smart Home. And it is not that only Google home will make your home a smart one. There are indeed a lot of options in Flipkart, just quickly check over!

Every one of the smart devices has grown so well mostly because of the convenience it provides. A lot of our time-consuming activities that were mostly keeping track of things were removed from our list which helped us to savour time for us and for me mostly tie for my girl. So why wait, join the #SmartHomeRevolution and #GetFitWithFlipkart and make this new year count for you, your loved ones and your home!!

Words of 2019

Focus and Grow, two separate words complimenting each other are my words for year 2019.

Focus is something I struggle with,especially the focus to continue any project and see to the end of it. I always start a lot of things with the commitment to complete them but I never could continue with the same after the intital euphorbia of a new idea dies off. Mid way,I loose my focus and I indulge in other things.I forget to track things and I end up doing nothing at all.This year, I want to make FOCUS a central point and keep pushing and get it to closure,even if things fail or succed I want my focus to look and move ahead which leads me to my second word, Grow.

Growth is something which I never given a thought. We all grew up physically and sometimes mentally / spiritually without actually growing up.I feel that my growth is more like the weeds that we prune out. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time added to my stunned growth.And I was not bothered because I was not aware of the fact that I can mark my growth.This year begins with intentional growth of me as a person.I love to grow and blossom the way I imagine myself to be, and I want to give it my all and never give up!

Amorphous

 

That careless laughter

That deep talks after drinks

That hymn of your heartbeats

That long reckless drives

That shared daydreams and nightmares

Yet,

That you are hidden deep in my soul

That like an amorphous, volatile memory!!

 

Monday Blues!!

June0

 

When you think of the meaning of this quote, you realise that all through these years you had held the power of deciding your future.Not your parents, not your destiny, not your stars, not your nosy neighbours, not your friends.

Its always you who decide what you want to do with this miraculous life given to you.How stupid are we to ruin it for petty things, when all we need is to make that one decisive step and keep your foot firm on it to turn around your life!!.

Yes,today is my Day 1 into a new life where I get to decide!!

Thanks for joining me 🙂

Because I am happy

I see the clock showed that I am up before my alarm
and not that I lost my hour of sleep

I see the dancing dust in glittering sun rays
and not my dusty room which needs a clean up

I see the messages “Happy Birthday” from my dear ones
and not the faked reminders from social media

I see I have time to be lazy, read a book and have a coffee
and not needing to rush to my office

I see the yellow Maggi packet tucked away in the shelf
and not the empty fridge with my grumbling stomach

I see my new floral skirt to wear for office today
and not the loaded up dirty clothes in the machine

I see the quick drizzle end with the rainbow
and not my new floral skirt dripping wet

I see  all my friends for a quick cup of coffee
and not the usual cordial running away with one

I see the finally working prototype
and not the lines of code I have to write to make it working

I see  I have closed more bugs than another day
and not the piling up ones

I see I have time to eat my golgappas
and not the missed bus by minutes

I see I have a choice to give away a few of them
and not the begging hands of little children

I see I have hope for another beautiful day
and its because I am happy and I choose to be so 🙂

 

 

Burn

fireplace
Enter a caption

That piece of desire,
Deep in my soul

Just needs a fire
To turn into gold

I,thus tell myself
Burn, Burn, and Burn!!

 

 

 

 

 

In response to Daily Prompts : Burn