I have always tried to envision, how our future would be.
Its anything but crazy.It is going to be mostly silent, occasionally loud owing to the mundane things of living!
Early morning tea for you and a hot cuppa coffee for me, the daily paper and may be a walk around the garden.The garden where you grow your fishes and I grow my greens.
I know what you like to eat and may be I would make things that I love to eat, the only thing that will not be served would be advises and judgements!
I watch the dreamy, romantic movies and tugging behind you watching horror or mostly asleep!.Though, I secretly wish you too will see what I see.
I know I can always find my natural habitat in your heart and I hope it flows into making me comfortably quiet in the same room, doing things that mean only for myself.
And here comes the turmoil of our lives, I can see us both reacting and responding in our own ways.One says enough and other cries to sleep.
I see us being lame, staring at starry nights contemplating the vulnerability of our existence.
We live our life being proud of ourselves, experiencing happiness from within ourselves without the need for the other.We listen to ends without judgements and talk our hearts out without fear or shame.We beautifully coexist doing our things, speaking our language and being comfortable in ourselves.
And that is when, I feel this euphorbia, experience this sliver of life that tugs us together, making me want to grow old together with you!
Yes, its never crazy but calm and quiet ounces of love!
It’s literally about everything the characters in this story never told each other.!! Reading through the book, I kept yelling in my head, for god’s sake woman just talk to your child for once!!
This is a sad story of Lydia, who tragically plummeted to death!Though it was ruled out as a suited, no one in her family wanted to believe so.The rest of the story is how each member of her family gets torn apart to finally find some peace.
Even though the story is set in the ’70s, it is still relevant in our times.It reemphasizes, at least for me , the need of families to have real conversations with each other, especially with children. Even if its just the dinner talks about school or daily news or even weather, we as parents must actually show our interest and listen from our heart, to the little things and imaginations of our children has to offer us, else this story is a reminder of how ignored kids finally end up.
Children are far delicate, observant and absorbing of things that happen in front of them, even without parents realizing. They are little adults with their beliefs and worries which are very real. Loss of parent which is one the main cause in this novel’s very scary. Anyone would blame themselves for such a situation, no wonder what kids do and they make amends or compromises with themselves.
When we become adults especially parents, we try to do multiple roles together and sometimes may forget what that really matters. We may fully be involved in the child’s life but still, fail them by being able to see them only through our eyes and maybe they became a constant reminder of your failure and somehow we need to overcome those. Sometimes we must resolve our issues before we even want to be a parent. Its so intimidating to me as a new parent that our troubles and problems can affect our children and demolish their little world which must be full of colors and hopes growing up.
Just as we grow up our compromises with life becomes bigger and bigger confrontations at every walk of life. We may fret over our decisions of the past and compare the output in our present life. What we forget is that we all have only one life, which can be lived in the way we choose to. Sometimes a little compassion is all needed for a person to pull back, maybe just a nod or a caring touch would have helped, which is what Lydia missed.And yet, she was this strong minded girl who was determined to find her own place, resolve her conflicts and be herself, but fate let her slip away.
Focus and Grow, two separate words complimenting each other are my words for year 2019.
Focus is something I struggle with,especially the focus to continue any project and see to the end of it. I always start a lot of things with the commitment to complete them but I never could continue with the same after the intital euphorbia of a new idea dies off. Mid way,I loose my focus and I indulge in other things.I forget to track things and I end up doing nothing at all.This year, I want to make FOCUS a central point and keep pushing and get it to closure,even if things fail or succed I want my focus to look and move ahead which leads me to my second word, Grow.
Growth is something which I never given a thought. We all grew up physically and sometimes mentally / spiritually without actually growing up.I feel that my growth is more like the weeds that we prune out. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time added to my stunned growth.And I was not bothered because I was not aware of the fact that I can mark my growth.This year begins with intentional growth of me as a person.I love to grow and blossom the way I imagine myself to be, and I want to give it my all and never give up!
It was 1996, May or June. We had just shifted to a new home. Those days, we had no TV, heck we didn’t even have an electricity connection for few months. It was one such Saturday evening when I first heard the song “Mehandi legate rekhna..” from the neighbour’s TV. I think it was the famous countdown show of DD2, Ek Se Badhkar Ek (?). In and out just like that but I kept humming the tune for many years to come. Of course, I didn’t know that the song was from the iconic movie of our times and the actor was soon to be my favourite!
SRK.
Growing up in a strict and conservative household meant movies were off limit, especially Hindi movies. I was allowed to watch just two programs that aired Hindi songs, Rangoli on Sunday mornings and Chitrahaar on Wednesdays evenings. I still remember how I used to pray hard for just one song of SRK and when that happens, I noted down everything, the song, its lyrics, the backgrounds, the other actors, the clothes and of course cute SRK. Those days he was very cute, especially in the song from Chamtkar, which was aired repeatedly!!
Most weeks, the wait would be futile. I and my friends would discuss in anger and frustrations. It seems crazy, now that I think of those days, yet I can relive those moments again and again.
The thrill to sneak out to our living room just to watch the Hindi movies that aired in DD on Friday and Saturday nights is giving me goosebumps :).So as to not wake my parents, I used to watch the movie with no light and sound. It was hard, but then I didn’t want to miss the chance to watch SRK !! Baazigar was the first movie I watched of SRK and boy I was flabbergasted, like with everyone else. I too fell for the “Baazigar”, even though he killed a lot of people(?).
Why? The answer still eludes me.
Since then I was hooked. I devoured all the movies that aired on TV. I would become sad if his character dies, use to ponder how could he be saved leading to an alternative storyline. I was enthralled when he cracked jokes, made faces, sang songs, said those filmy dialogues. I loved the way he looked onscreen when he acted as if he was telling stories directly to us :D. I loved his voice, voice modulations, teary eyes, his dimpled smile and so on and so forth!!. Growing up, he and his movies defined my childhood and teenage!!
From Kabhi haa Kabhi naa
to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Add a lot of raging hormones plus the excitements on breaking restrictions and a lot of enthusiasm and love to understand the phenomenon of my love for him 🙂
As with now, we didn’t have internet, heck we didn’t know when his movies released or how well it did. The only source of knowing anything about him was the priced Filmfare magazines which I used to devour when I visited my most hi-fi cousins during vacations. It was long but worthwhile wait!! I used to beg, borrow steal pictures from these and made a huge book of SRK. I know, Finding and collecting his pictures from magazines or newspapers used to be the most important activity of my childhood. And the barter system of exchanging pictures with friends :D, but SRK was in high demand,even those times :).
Ah, the good old times :).
When we bought a cassette player with stereos, a big deal back then, for the first time, my tyrant father bought me Dil Se cassette and my mom bought me Dil to Pagal Hai cassette. And those were treasured moments which I still have. Those had these amazing pictures of SRK,which I used to stare at :D. We all used to be in awe, seeing SRK dance on top of the train. My four-year-old daughter also has the same awe which I am absolutely happy about 😉
And it was much later when I got my own job and had a chance to stay away from my home, I got to watch his movie in a theatre, “My Name is Khan”.I was mesmerised by seeing him onscreen. The usual SRK was not seen at all. His eyes were so very different. “Tere naina…kept ringing in my head.I clearly remember once the movie got over, I was unable to speak or even move. I wonder what would become of me when I meet him. To be able to watch “DDLJ” in Maratha Mandir “DDLJ” in Maratha Mandir is one of my biggest dreams!! I wish it still keeps running.
So, why do people including me are crazy about SRK. Well, even I don’t think of him as exceptionally handsome or even talented. Yet, we all love him. I think it’s because we believe him and know him like an open book especially when the rest of the stars were distant. We know his love life, his struggle, his ambitions, his wishes almost everything about him. We think we know all about him and yet he is still able to maintain who he is amidst everything!! He is a great actor, a versatile one, a humble one, respects everyone, treats everyone equally, is a great lover of sports, tech, and a big patriot, a good father, a great better half, a good orator, a sensible and a sensitive person! I can keep adding more adjectives 😉
Right now I am in such a stage where I enjoy his deep and thought-provoking talks along with his masala movies.
OR
And the recent TED Talks,
tells you how good orator he is. His style of quick and witty responses, makes you wonder. His huge collection of books is another main attraction ;).And when he quotes them, I die of joy!!. To others, he seems arrogant, selfish and too much nonsense, for instance, someone like my husband. But there is a quintessential charm that he leaves on every person, be it his fan or not.
Today there are a lot of venues available to get instant fame or responses, but back then the wait to see you sir, has been the most bittersweet ones.Well, as a fan of yours, I don’t want any 300 cr movies or record-breaking ones. I just want him to keep doing movies which you love and enjoy, just to take care of yourself and keep us happy with your witty one-liners in Twitter or with hot after bath pictures in Instagram :D.
Its been 22 years, and never another person has touched my life like you, Mr Superstar. :D. Once your fan always your fan.Here’s to wishing my biggest superstar a “Happy Birthday”
A SURREAL ODYSSEY 