Tell me!

Disguised in the thoughtfulness,
I wake up to shameful taunts

Disguised in the forgetfulness,
I feel invalidated

Disguised in the sweet words for the ​world,
I see the burning hatred in eyes

Disguised in the disgust for me,
I hear the smirks and smiles

Disguised in finding me a new home,
I feel the tightening of the ​grip

Disguised in the busyness,
I find my dreams crushed and levelled

Disguised in the love,
I touch the height of hypocrisy​

Disguised in the helplessness​,
I share my tearful stains on pillows

Tell me, How do I love again?

Sonder

That dark thought of giving up his life, was following him all over.The taunts, comparisons and unmet expectations had driven him to exhaustion.

It was when he had almost given up that he heard the suicide of a friend, the one with whom he had constantly been compared to.He could not believe that his ideal person with perfect qualifications, perfect job, the perfect family was living under such a facade of lies.

He was simply speechless when he realized that every single person has a story of his own, about his aspirations and dreams and failures.But what was startled him was the knowledge that everyone has the choice to write the story their own story, as they like.

 

Quietus

 

That dawn,

among stars

I was,

someone’s angel

Under the blanket, 

of pure love

I drift to a,

beautiful slumber

Suddenly ,

I suffocate

I envisage,

I am

Inside the cocoon,

of my sadness 

And slowly,

 I die…

***

Orenda-True me…

“Orenda” has revealed to me at a time I am abysmally at the lowest point in my life.I have had many set backs in life and most of the time I try to make connections with those miseries and finally reach a point where I tell myself, I deserve it.Then I let it go, pick up my pieces and go on with life.

I think I have kind of even started to wait for these periodical miseries.It always ends with blaming myself and my stars for the same.I refuse to take up any more challenges for the fear of doing something wrong.I have refused myself to be happy or to even laugh for the fear of making another episode of misery.I have refused myself to have the right to dream big and make it.I refused to take promotions thinking I won’t be a fit. I refused to take a day off thinking I might be noticed.I refused to talk openly with my family thinking(knowing) they will judge me.I keep playing various scenarios of misery and end up feeling miserable all throughout the day.

I don’t know if I will have the courage to stand for the things I believe I can do, replacing all the talks in my head, but nonetheless knowing that it need not be always BE like that gives me hope to find the true me, by following the force inside of me.

 

A Jouska…

Ah, you know that dream of mine?

What about it?

It’s all gone, turned to ashes, just like that….puff

Huh!! What do you mean by gone?

The one thing which I was most looking forward to, the one thing that would have – could have changed my destiny is now out of my hands.I am a failure.

Good!! 

Good ?? What do you mean by good? I am telling you I have become “good-for-nothing”

Do you know why I said it was good? Because I have known you from the time you were born.In fact, I was born with you, remember. And I have always known, you are destined for something much better.And this failure is going to lead you right there, where you never have imagined.

Yeah, yeah!! I have heard this many times.But let me ask you if I am unable to achieve something this small, how am I going to achieve something big as you say ?? Tell me!!

……………

Ahh !! I know you don’t have the answer right? Now just shut up and leave me alone.

Yes, I don’t have an answer to your logical question.I am simply letting you know what I feel about you,truly. I believe in you more than your logical conclusion.

And I know,”Dreams grow, especially when given failures as fertilisers” 

Oh!!

Hmm..

**

 

Note: A dream, I had for many years got crushed today, once again. It is truly devastating.And this is what was going on in my head since I heard the crashing of my dreams.Somehow, I this failure stings real bad!!