Orenda-True me…

“Orenda” has revealed to me at a time I am abysmally at the lowest point in my life.I have had many set backs in life and most of the time I try to make connections with those miseries and finally reach a point where I tell myself, I deserve it.Then I let it go, pick up my pieces and go on with life.

I think I have kind of even started to wait for these periodical miseries.It always ends with blaming myself and my stars for the same.I refuse to take up any more challenges for the fear of doing something wrong.I have refused myself to be happy or to even laugh for the fear of making another episode of misery.I have refused myself to have the right to dream big and make it.I refused to take promotions thinking I won’t be a fit. I refused to take a day off thinking I might be noticed.I refused to talk openly with my family thinking(knowing) they will judge me.I keep playing various scenarios of misery and end up feeling miserable all throughout the day.

I don’t know if I will have the courage to stand for the things I believe I can do, replacing all the talks in my head, but nonetheless knowing that it need not be always BE like that gives me hope to find the true me, by following the force inside of me.